So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
