upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
