do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Watching her eat just hurts me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
