I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
