the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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