My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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