I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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