I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
