The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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