You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
