I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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