Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
