OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
