i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
