No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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