I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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