I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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