Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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