you guys were way drunker than both of me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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