Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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