My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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