I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
