I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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