Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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