He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just forgot I was standing up.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
