i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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