watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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