i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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