Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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