I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
