So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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