There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
