Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
