Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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