Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
