Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
