I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
