I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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