I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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