every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
