Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
