Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
