it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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