you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
