i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
