Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
