That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
