guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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