I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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