i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
