I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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