we have officially lost it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
