New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
