apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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