you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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