MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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