shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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