made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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