Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
