how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize